We started the month of June out like this:
That day still haunts me sometimes...the thoughts of losing her and wondering if I was strong enough to get through that. I still think back on the day and am in awe of the blessings that were given to us. The blessing of life. We got to the hospital with no time to spare, in fact, her heart was already in full failure by that time. They were ready to help her and they did just in time. My little angel fought until she was where she needed to be to be saved. I still can't utter a word of prayer without thanking my father in heaven for the happeninings of that day. I would get to the hospital in the mornings, and for the first time be compleltey releived to see her this way...comfortable, not doing any work, just resting. She needed a break. Her body had been working so hard, unknown to all of us. Her left lung was completley collapsed with her right lung close to it. Her heart was trying to do so much work to pump with all that extra fluid built up. I just wanted her to take her time, to get strong. A couple weeks later, my little fighter was doing so much better...already breathing tube free and on her road to recovery...again.
Even giving us some beautiful smiles. I love her smiles... They mean the world to me, knowing that she is happy and feeling well.
Now my little Bel is back home...I walk by her bassinet a million times during the day when she is napping just to see her in it. I hated when she wasn't with me, when I'd have to leave my sweet baby at the hosptial and sleep next to an empty bassinet. I love when she's by my side and I can watch her chest rise and fall, alive and well. When she is awake, she is usually in her carrier, watching my every move...she loves to be close to me, and I love to be close to her..
I gave her her first real bath after 4 months.. She loved it. Now she gets one every night...such a simple thing is such a wonderful thing for us..
Here's some pictures from the last week at home...needless to say, we are loving every minute...
Bela had her weekly apt. today with her cardiologist and it was probably the best apt we've had so far. She gave everyone lots of smiles...a very nice change from nonstop crying. Everyone kept commenting on what a different little girl she was being. She's so much happier now. Her echo looked great and best of all....she was up to 8 lbs 14 ounces!! That was 8 ounces in 6 days!! She finally hit 4 kilos, she needs to be to 5 by her surgery, and it feels like we are finally on the way. Now she just NEEDS to stay healthy. We scheduled a tentative surgery date for Sept. 1st. That was a little surreal, and a million emotions passed through me. I'm not sure if I dread that day or look forward to that day...
My friend Kami came with me to my apt. today...I can't really even say how much it meant to me that she would want to come and do that with me. Sometimes I feel sorta alone in all this, and it was so nice to share some of my 'world', the life I live day in and day out, with a friend. SHe really got a full view of that world today too...we had the full apt complete with EKG, vitals, Echo, X-rays, and checks with her docs. We're so blessed with good friends, we can't even begin to expain what it means to be supported through this when it gets hard. It's things like watching Bela go through so much, wondering how it's all going to turn out, never being certain what tomorrow will bring...that make it hard. Somedays I wonder if I can really do all this..it seems that latley so many of Bela's dear heart friends are losing their battles, even into their later years, and it is frightening. We understand that that was the plan for their life, and we know that Bela has one too. I know it's not good to dwell on this, but as a mom, I worry. It's what I do, comes with the job. I'm working on my worry level though. I have to have trust in the Lord, and lean on Him everyday, and be grateful for what we have. Each day is a blesssing, and tonight, I am extremely grateful that the end of June is better than the start of June. We hope for a very uneventful July.. :)