Wednesday, October 8, 2008

A vida feliz


Tonight I feel so happy. It is a result of having a moment to myself tonight to reflect on the 25 years of life that I've lived, and in particlular, the last almost 3 years that I have been a mother. As a child, I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother, so much so that when I got a little older I remember including my future husband in my prayers... that he was trying to live a good life in hopes of meeting me, like I was for him. I dreamed of my children that would one day be mine... I didn't know what they'd look like or be like, but I knew that it didn't really matter, I would love them. I didn't plan on having a critically ill baby, spending months in the hospital, or the pain of watching her suffer, but life never ends up just like we planned it to. And that is okay. Those four little words have taken me awhile to say and then to really believe them. It's okay because, although it's not what I'd planned, it's not bad, just different. There is so much good in my life, and I will choose to focus on that. I just had to put Bela's tube back in because she pulled it out, check it for correct placement, restart her feeding pump, mix milk for her night feeds, and give her 4 meds. And then I just got to stare at her for awhile, kiss her sweet head, and marvel at how blessed I am that she is mine. Everynight before I go to bed I like to go into my kids rooms and just watch them sleep for awhile. Most nights it is an incredibly powerful moment for me. It is usually then that I realize that I am living my dream... how lucky am I? My husband is more than I ever dreamed he would be. I think sometimes I take for granted what we have.. we are two people who complete eachother perfectly. He has been my strength.. I am thankful tonight for him. I am thankful that I have a beautiful son and a beautiful daughter. I am thankful that Bela is here with me. It's hard to put into words what it feels like when I look into her crib and see her smiling up at me when there was a time I didn't know if I'd ever get that moment. For that reason, every moment becomes so special, and it makes life incredibly sweet. Without all that has happened, I'm not sure I would understand that as well as I do, or stop to think about it as much as I do. I don't think I'd take the time as much to treasure the simplest things in life that are the most important and precious. Watching Benson and Bela play together the last few days has been one of those precious moments for me. Benson is starting to let himself get attached to his sister, and she is quickly becoming his best friend. Bela is doing wonderful, she is eating better, sleeping better, and most importantly, she is feeling better. I am enjoying her so much and feel like we are finally just starting to get to know eachother. I have longed for this day to come, and I really believe the worst is all behind us and the best is yet to come!


Playing together.. Benson is sharing his most favorite things with her, but... I'm not sure she thinks they're as cool as he does..

24 comments:

Lily's Mama! said...

I was just telling Kristi yesterday you hadn't updated your blog spot lately but how I check everyday for a new post...then I got on this morning at 5(not that I wanted to be up that early...read our latest blog) and decided to check your page.
Bela looks SOOO good Avery, her color is wonderful and it looks like she is getting big. I cant wait for play dates.
You can tell she loves her brother and her brother loves her...even when she gives Benson those looks of,"What are the heck are these?" and the "what do you want me to do with this?" looks, she loves the attention she is getting. You should see Lily with Lucas and Austin...she wants to play with them so bad, that when they run off she cries because she wants them to come back and play with her.
I think the siblings of heart babies will have a stronger connection to their siblings because of everything they have gone through.

I loved your writing tonight. I use to pray when I was a child that I would find a man that would love me and give me beautiful children and be a wonderful father. I got that in a nut shell. I feel just as you do, that I am truly blessed with what I have in my life.

Well, I am going to run, Lily is setting off the alarms again...we should be heading home today..haven't heard otherwise. Feel free to call, i have yet to come across your number, although I know it is floating around the house somewhere.

Give Bela a kiss for me, tell Tanner I said hi, and sending you a hug.

~J~

AL and ALI said...

oh these pictures!! I love the cars on her bumbo tray. Such a good big brother!

Matt and Stacey said...

I am SO glad to hear that Bela is doing well! I hope you're feeling better too. So looks really great. It seems like you wait so long and then things just kind of "click"... I know that routine well. I can't wait for Addie's heart to be "fixed" so we can start down the road of progress. The pictures of Benson and Bela remind me of how Drew is starting to act with Addie. We took her out of her bouncy seat and put her in the pack n play and Drew must have spent 5 minutes running around the house looking for her after looking over and not seeing her! Anyway, I am so happy for you guys and can't wait until Addie's better and we can all get together and play.
Take Care,
Stacey

P.S. Everyone who has seen Addie is in love with her bracelet. It looks SO cute on her.

Camille Gould said...

You're so sweet, I loved reading your post! I'm so happy that Bela is feeling better too.

Auburn said...

Yeah - great update! I'm so glad to hear Bela is doing better. She seems to be slowly improving. I'm sure you wish is was more quickly though! I had to smile when you talked about going into your kids rooms b/c I go into my kids rooms at least twice after they go to bed at night and just stare at them and feel so much gratitude for my blessings!

Amanda-The Family News! said...

I have followed your blog for a little while - found it thru Angel Annabelle's. Bela is a such a beautiful little girl!!!
I love the picture with the cars on her bumbo table. I have a 8 month old daughter and 2 year old son (named Avery in fact - so of course I love your name!!!) - this reminds me of them.
Amanda in SC

Wendy said...

Those pictures just make me smile! They are so cute together. I love Benson sharing his cars with her and her confused face in the first picture. It's hilarious. I know what you mean about being a mom. It's the best thing in the world. I do the same thing at night before I go to bed. I like to watch Norah sleep and remember just how lucky I am. Your posts are always inspiring and make me reflect on my own life. Thanks for being such a good mom, example and friend! I miss you. Hopefully I get to see you sometime soon! I wanna meet Bela!!!!!

Likes Chocolate said...

How wonderful that Bela is doing so well and that your are finally able to be just a family. It is amazing how we take the simple things for granted, but in the end it really is the simple things that matter the most.

Sally said...

How darling is that picture with all the cars on her tray! I didn't have Bens over again this week. Should I come get him in the morn and take him to park day with us? When they're sleeping its so easy to see the best in them...why can't I do that when they're awake more often!?!

The Joslyn Family said...

You're amazing Ave! You are such an inspiration to me. I'm so glad Bella is on the mend and doing better. Cute to see her and Benson together. Looks like Benson has the same Cars collection as Scotty!

Matt and Jennae Porter said...

Oh thanks for the update!! Your posts always make me cry Avery. I love the picture of Bela in her Bumbo with the cars... so cute how Benson is so good at sharing. We are so glad to hear that things are looking up. I'm sure that is a welcome relief for all of you.

The Silly Nilly Family said...

So amazing to see Bella so happy! I love it. Warms me up inside, little Benson too. Hi to Benson. You're awesome.

La said...

i CANNONT WAIT to see these two. we will be there for sure for sure thursday night the 23rd and i want to hold bela for hours. and then watch benson and eden run around together.

Anonymous said...

So, so happy for you. What a lovely little girl. Your fun is just beginning! I am so glad that things are getting even the tiniest bit easier for you, and I hope that things ease up ten-fold, a hundred-fold, etc from here on out. We keep lifting you all up in Kansas. Angela

Dallas and Krista said...

Amazing, amazing. Miss you lots and hope to see you soon...

lundgrenville said...

Yeah! Such great news! Just made my day, better yet...my week.
Im so grateful that sweet little Bela is improving. Although it may be baby steps...every inch is the greatest blessing.
I love it when I see boys share their cars with their little sisters...its the cutest thing.
I think many mothers around the world marvel at the same blessing as we watch our children sleep at night. I too take a turn or two a night visiting my childrens bedside as they peacefully sleep. I often wonder if their peacefull sleeping is just a glimpse of what heaven will be like. Regardles..its a beautiful feeling to know that they are your sweet little spirits...
Thank you for your comments!
You are a strong woman of faith!
Hugs

laurel said...

That last picture of them with the cars is so great. Aren't sibling relationships awesome to watch?!

Tracy said...

(I found your post through a few blogs...and had gottne updates from your mom b/c she VT's my mom)

What an inspiring post for all mom's in any circumstance. You are pretty amazing to take the attitude you have and your children will benefit-- not only from the example...but from the record of it so they can use it for strength and encouragement when they are faced with trials.

Thanks for the beautiful post.

Erin said...

Wow Avery we just got back into town and what a great post to read...you have such a beautiful way with words. Life is special in all aspects and what a privilege to be parents to God's precious children. You have two very cute ones for sure and they have they very best mother anyone could ask for!!! You are amazing and continue to bless the lives of so many that know you!!! Cannot wait to come over and get a chance to hold Bela and maybe not have her cry for mama...we will get there right. Anyway, thanks for being you!!!!

emcghee said...

Hey Ave, I miss you guys. It's been too long since we've been down there. I'm hoping to come down soon.

Mimi said...

Hi there-

this post gave me so much hope. My daughter too had the hybrid, and we are now waiting for a new heart.

Your daughter is darling!!

Moranda Fielding said...

A happy life indeed! She looks so good and happy, Gurty! What a beauty. i can't believe how fare she looks compared to Bens. Glad to see all the progress.
P.s. my Brazilera friend Ana Ruas says hello!

dave and natalie said...

Your kids are the cutest with the most wonderful mother! It was so good to see you the other night at CPK and esp to see that little one out and about. I'm so glad to hear things are well and finally settling down. Those pictures are just plain precious!

Carmen said...

Ela esta mesmo uma gracinha... que bom saber que vcs estao bem e Bella esta se recuperando bem. Tudo de bom pra vcs. Nos continuamos orando e acompanhando o progresso... Bella fortaleceu a nossa fe...
abracos