Transplant 2- Honoring her donor, and her Aunt Ju

Early in the morning on October 23rd, Tanner got a phone call that his sister, Julie, just a year and half older than him, had passed away. My sweet mother in law had to receive this devastating news from Bela's hospital room. Although Bela was unaware of all of it, at the same time they were helping my mother in law just outside her room in the hall, Bela's heart rate shot up to 180 and her rhythm went crazy for about 3 hours until they finally got it under control. We still don't really know why, most likely her heart telling us it was nearing its end. In the late hours of that very same day we got the call we had waited for for 11 months. A match had been found for Bela. Tanner had already decided he wanted to sleep there with Bela that night.  As hard as this hospital stay was becoming, there was a tangible peace being there with her in that room.  When he was woken up with the news that night, he stood in the hallway outside her room and wept as the flood of emotions of the day hit him.  Less than 24 hours after his sister unexpectedly passed from this life, Bela would receive new life.  We have marveled and grappled with this all week. Heavy hearts, and hopeful hearts. Every emotion under the sun. Tanner's family and my angel in laws have supported us and been right here for us through their own grief. And Julie, a constant guardian angel. I know it.

I have also been pretty heavily dealing with trying to process the donor side of this journey for awhile now, and I was a little surprised at how much I fluctuated between extreme happiness and such a heaviness in the hours right after the news.  I had a couple really great conversations with staff here and their words helped me a lot.  It was just all a lot to process, at the same time, and you don't really know what will come up.   

I will not try to make sense of it all, because I know I can't. We can't ask why. The only way, I have learned, is to trust God who knows the why.  To have faith that with His greater view He can and will do not just what is good for us, but what is BEST.  This is especially necessary when we do not understand a darn thing. And through our faith and trust, He can help us carry it all.

This week, 1 Nephi 11:17 has been MY scripture. 

'I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.' 

Whatever you need that to help you with, I hope it does.  For me, it helps me as I have been by my child's side as she has walked a very hard road and I have sometimes wondered why.  But, I know He and our Heavenly Mother love their children, because of the intense love that I feel for mine. Sometimes we do things for our children out of our deep love that they may not always understand but we know it is in their best interest.  When framed that way for me, it makes perfect sense, and brings me immense peace and reassurance.

He called Julie back home the same day Bela was given new life.  He called her donor home.  He loves His children beyond our comprehension. He knows what we need and where we need to be. 

I have wanted to wrap my arms around the donor's family every day. I have prayed that every single prayer said on behalf of Bela would cover them as well, as they will forever be a part of her now.  I pray through their selfless act they have solace. 

Soon I will post about the events of the last 6 days in greater detail.  I want it all here for her to see her strength. For her to know the love and goodness of people, and of all the details God put into place for her. And I will continue to spread God's goodness through her because for reasons only He knows, she still has things to do here. I cannot wait to see them unfold.