This describes you so well. How many times I have wished that I could take this all from you. I try to stay strong when your eyes are looking into mine. When you fall asleep, I cry for the pain you are enduring, and the fear I see in your eyes. Even if someone comes in just to say hi, you do not take your eyes off them, with a nervous look wondering what they will do to you. You are comforted by me laying by you and when you feel my hand in yours. I am grateful I can help you through this in that tiny way..
I watch you endure this with such grace. You are nervous and scared, and sometimes cry, but overall you accept whatever they have to do to you with unbelievable strength and patience. I do not understand why you came in your body and have to go through so much to be on the earth. I do understand however, that you and I both chose this from the beginning. And I do know that we are not asked to go though it alone. Whenever I feel like it's too much, that's when I plead for strength to keep going. And I feel like the burden is lifted just enough, and I am given just enough help to go on. I know it is the same for you. We have to experience the pain and suffering life brings to learn and grow, but we get help when it's all just too much. When you are really really suffering, and I feel so hopeless, we are given a tender mercy. Two days ago when we were told to wait another 2 hours to get your PICC line and you were having such a hard time, I thought there was no way we would make it another 2 hours. You fell asleep for the first time in a day and a half and slept through the extra wait. I'm so grateful for those tender mercies.
Everyone has different trials. Yours is a fragile body and all that entails for you. Mine it seems, is to watch you as you endure it.
Elder Orson F. Whitney said: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”
I'm so sorry for all of your suffering, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to develop patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. Thank you for helping us, your family, and others who know you gain what we came here to earth to acquire. You are my angel.
Love,
Mommy
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Good night, Lila
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