Saturday, March 10, 2012

My dearest Bela--

I was amazed by you when you were a baby. I've been amazing by you your entire life. But right now I've never been more amazed.

I keep reading these words from the talk The Atonement Covers All Pain,

"I have noted that children are often more naturally accepting of pain and suffering. They quietly endure with humility and meekness. I have felt a beautiful, sweet spirit surrounding these little ones."

This describes you so well. How many times I have wished that I could take this all from you. I try to stay strong when your eyes are looking into mine. When you fall asleep, I cry for the pain you are enduring, and the fear I see in your eyes. Even if someone comes in just to say hi, you do not take your eyes off them, with a nervous look wondering what they will do to you. You are comforted by me laying by you and when you feel my hand in yours. I am grateful I can help you through this in that tiny way..

I watch you endure this with such grace. You are nervous and scared, and sometimes cry, but overall you accept whatever they have to do to you with unbelievable strength and patience. I do not understand why you came in your body and have to go through so much to be on the earth. I do understand however, that you and I both chose this from the beginning. And I do know that we are not asked to go though it alone. Whenever I feel like it's too much, that's when I plead for strength to keep going. And I feel like the burden is lifted just enough, and I am given just enough help to go on. I know it is the same for you. We have to experience the pain and suffering life brings to learn and grow, but we get help when it's all just too much. When you are really really suffering, and I feel so hopeless, we are given a tender mercy. Two days ago when we were told to wait another 2 hours to get your PICC line and you were having such a hard time, I thought there was no way we would make it another 2 hours. You fell asleep for the first time in a day and a half and slept through the extra wait. I'm so grateful for those tender mercies.

Everyone has different trials. Yours is a fragile body and all that entails for you. Mine it seems, is to watch you as you endure it.

Elder Orson F. Whitney said: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”

I'm so sorry for all of your suffering, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to develop patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. Thank you for helping us, your family, and others who know you gain what we came here to earth to acquire. You are my angel.

Love,

Mommy

17 comments:

Allison Benninghoff said...

This is beautiful and so true. His mercies do sustain us even in the darkest of times. What a lucky girl she is to have you as her mama.

Dallas and Krista said...

The most beautiful letter to a child. Ever. I am in awe of both of you. Thank you for teaching me, too.

The Simmons Family said...

I love this Avery!!

Sally@ Abode Casa Home said...

Amazing letter and thoughts. You're words always have the spirit with them. Praying for Bela and you. Love your little family.

Auburn said...

I am so grateful to read that letter. You and Bela never cease to amaze and inspire me. I love how well you understand and accept the trials that Heavenly Father has given you. You are a great example of what it means to be all of those things you listed - patient, humble, etc. Love you, and love the updates. Praying for little Bela's arms.

JJ.Kristy.Braylon.Jaxten.Taytum said...

So beautiful. You two are two of the most amazing people I've ever known. You are both an inspiration to myself and many others. Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter. Continued prayers for your family.

Anonymous said...

The prayer in the temple tonight was beautiful. Just for Bella.
Good night, Lila

Ali said...

You are so articulate and so good at expressing your thoughts and feelings - its a gift, for sure. I hope you can rest tonight. xo

Grafton and Laurisa Milne said...

This brought tears to my eyes. YOU are such a strong woman. and SUCH an example to me Avery. this is the sweetest post, She will love to read this someday and feel of your love!! Hang in there. love you sis.

Lindsay Brummer said...

This is an amazing letter. You are all so strong and so loved. Praying for you all.

S and K said...

There really is no other word than amazing to describe you Avery! I hope you know how much I admire you & are so greatful I have you in my life. You keep me striving to be better! I can't begin to tell you all that you & sweet Bela have taught me & I am so thankful for that. Bela came with a big mission in life to bear so much pain & struggles & to teach us all along the way, but she does it so perfectly that I stand in awe of her & I know how proud our Heavenly Father must be to see her magnifying her calling so well. I love you guys!!

Tanner, Avery, Benson, and Bela said...

I love the comments. I love your friends. I love you and I love Bela. Such a lucky mom/grandma!

Miriam Andrus said...

You are an inspiration! Thank you for your incredible example.

Miriam Andrus said...

You are an inspiration! Thank you for your incredible example.

Angie Milne said...

Such a beautiful letter, written by such an amazing momma... You are an inspiration to all of us, as well as sweet bela. She knows what an incredible woman her mother is, and draws so much strength from you Avery... The lessons I learn from you are innumerable. I love you both so much. Can't wait to see you again!!!

Crista said...

You amaze me Avery with you sweet spirit and your strength. You are such an inspiration. This letter to Bela is so beautifully written.. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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