I broke the promise that said I'd post Sunday...but then again, Tanner promised that and not me! I'm starting to learn that I shouldn't make any promises these days because most of them time I can't keep them.. This life is crazy crazy. And some more crazy. But we're doing it somehow, day by day. It's hard to not get caught up in the day to day struggles or difficulties. But I can't. I have to keep the big picture in my head at all times. I am constantly following other journeys of babies born with congenital heart defects and it is very very difficult to read the update that no mother or father ever wants to have to write, but so many do. That their sweet baby couldn't fight any longer...it got too hard and it was their time to go back to heaven. I just heard of the passing of another baby today, and yet another who was just given a couple months more to live. Bela's sweet little friend Eden is undergoing a nine hour surgery to attempt to correct her heart as I type this and my heart goes out to them. Please remember them in your prayers tonight, as her surgery will most likely go late into the night. It's all very sobering and makes a person do lots and lots of reflecting. I didn't mean for this post to be in any way negative or depressing... in fact I hope that I can convey just the opposite feelings. I have been blessed to feel the Lord's love and know that he is aware of me, when I need to feel that. I know that He does love us, He does know us, He IS there for us ALWAYS if we ask him to be. I got to go to church on Sunday and was able to listen to a talk about being prepared when our time comes to leave this earth. He said that mortality is so fragile and that we need to always keep the big picture in mind, that all we do here and become here is ultimatley just preparing us to live forever in the eternities. I know that all these babies come into our lives to touch us in some way, to teach us to be better, to help us strive to get prepared to spend eternity with them in heaven. Everything that Bela has done for me has been positive, there has been nothing that I have not been grateful to go through. It does get difficult when it is her that has to be the one going through so much. I always wish I could take it away and go through it myself. What an example of the atonement that has been for me! I am so grateful for my tiny little baby for teaching me so much!
She's had a good, long week of resting and eating. I wish I could say that she is growing great, (you have NO idea how bad I wish I could say that) but she's still taking her time in that area. She is almost back to her weight when we were admitted..she's about 8 4 now. But she is gaining and not losing. Yeah! And she hasn't thrown up ONCE since we've been here, a big accomplishment. She's happy and smiley when she is awake and sleeps very peacefully. That all means that her heart is working better and she's feeling better. SOOO good to see! SHe had no more lines in her so I am loving being able to snuggle her now and hold her right up against me just like she likes it. She's still nursing a couple times a day, more for comfort than nutrition (she gets it all through her NG tube), but she absolutley still loves it so I'm still hopeful we can continue that after her surgery. For now she just needs to grow...no more messing around. Pumping isn't so great, but it's worth it for her to get my milk, and I'm glad I can do that for her. All in all, a very good week for us. She is still on the schedule for a cath lab on Thursday and i'm trying not to be nervous for that. She'll be okay. (I have to tell myself that). It's hard to get her to a certain point, then have to go back three steps again and get that darn breathing tube back and all that fun stuff. But she should come off of it fairly quickly and get back to where she is. We are soooo grateful she's here with us, smiling along the way. I will post when we get cath results back and have a clearer picture of what is going on in that little heart of hers. Thank you for your prayers and support.