Sunday, August 24, 2008

hope

I'm going to attempt to make a post, but really I am so dead tired so I hope it ends up making some sense.. :) Bela hasn't been sleeping too great the last few nights..

Tanner and I are always running into people or hearing of people that say they check our blog a lot. I knew that there were lots of good people out there keeping tabs on Bela and her progress. I keep getting more and more nervous to write posts thinking of how many people might read them... We decided to install a counter on our blog to see just how many people come by to check up on her. In 5 days we've had 2200 people. WOW. At first it made me never want to write again for fear of how many people read this. :) But then it made me amazed to have so many people that care about us and what we're going through. It makes me so grateful to think of so many people supporting us and going through this whole journey with us. Today was a good day because a lot of you spent today fasting and praying for our little girl. It is incredibly touching and comforting.

I read Tanners last post and it sorta made me feel sad. No offense to you Tan :), and not to down play the seriousness of all this, but I hope it didn't convey to everyone else feelings of sadness. Yes, I am feeling very emotional and scared at times, but we could not be more grateful for what we've been given so far. To have had Bela this long, when we were told to expect no time at all. To have had her here in our home, to kiss her goodnight every night. I bring her in bed with me every morning when she first starts to fuss and she goes back to sleep for another hour or so. THen I get to wake up to her beautiful blue eyes and a huge grin. It's my favorite. She is such a tiny little thing, but the spirit she brings into our lives is unbelivably great. I wish everyone could spend time with her and feel of it. We've been so blessed the last two months to have her home and to be in such a good position for this surgery. She is 11 pounds 5 ounces!! That alone is an amazing acheivement for her. She wasn't even 8 pounds yet at 4 1/2 months old. While there is lots and lots about this that is incredibly hard to go through, there has been soo much happiness and joy found along the way. I feel very much at peace that she will be kept in the Lord's hands throughout this surgery and recovery, as she has been for the past 6 months. We all will be. I am feeling very hopeful.

She has been showing us signs for a while now that she is ready, and so for that I am actually anxious for it to come. She is just not a very happy baby most of the time and it gets really hard. I just want her to feel better, and I hope this will do that for her. I want her to be able to eat and not throw up various times each day. I want her to be able to go out and enjoy the world without worrying about germs or getting sick. I can't wait until she can stay awake longer than an hour without getting so worn out.

We will get called in sometime on Tuesday and will do all the pre op stuff as well as have our consult with the surgeons. We'll stay the night and she'll be taken around 7 a.m. in the morning. She is the only case that day cuz it will take most of the day. I'll keep updates frequently...it gives me something to do during the waiting period and uplifts me so much to think that we're not going through it alone. We sooo appreciate your prayers and your support.

Good night!

26 comments:

Dallas and Krista said...

Ave, I am sure that the other 2200 people (or whatever that insane number was!) will find this post as wonderful as I have. It is truly amazing to get this insight into your life ( I have been lucky enough to get a lot of it this week!) You and your family are truly amazing and you are simply good people. We are here for you always, both physically down the road as well as in our hearts.

S & K said...

You know how I feel about your posts---and this one doesn't dissappoint at all. I'm serious about the book you need to right. I serisously feel like I'm sitting there hearing you say what you have written, not the easiest thing to write like you talk and I love it, its definately a talent. I hope that this week goes by smoothly and quickly for you guys. I wish I could do more, or take some of your burden. Good luck (really just doesn't seem to cut it.) but you get the drift, I love you guys and will be praying non-stop for you this week.

Katie said...

I know exactly how you're feeling...we were just there a month ago with our daughter. Now that the Glenn is behind us and she's doing SO MUCH BETTER, life feels like it's getting back to normal (a new normal, that is!). We'll be praying for you and your beautiful Bela.

Love,
Katie (mom to Maddie, HRHS)
http://allredbabygirl.blogspot.com

Lily's Mama! said...

Ave, it was good to read a blog from you...no offense to Tanner, but you have a mama's touch when blogging and I can connect with it seeing I am a mother myself. I have never had to sit and wait for Lily's heart surgeries in the way you have had to do with Bela. I know we both got the dates once they were born and waited for that to happen but this is different. Lily has underwent her 2 ohs, but her second was an emergency, we had no time to prepare ourselves. You are gearing yourself up...and to me that would be harder then an emergency. You have spent 2 wonderful months at home...now here you are about to have to place beautiful Bela back into the hand of the surgeon's and trust in the good Lord Almighty, that he will help steady their hands, and help bring Bela through the next surgery. I can not even begin to imagine having to go through that, although in time I will have to.

Just know, we are praying for you, and once Bela is doing better(not that she isnt doing well now) but once she is awake for longer periods of time, we will have to get these 2 special girls together.

Oh, I had to tell you, when I read about how you will pull Bela in bed with you when she starts to fuss, so you can get another hour of rest, it made me smile, laugh, and cry. I do the same thing with Lily. Most days I will fall back asleep with her snuggled up against my chest, but then somedays, the Lord doesnt allow me to fall back asleep...but allows me to lay there in complete peace, while staring at the miracle laying next to me. Bela, and Lily have been fighting for the same number of days now, 177 to be exact. And those 177 days have been the most incerdieble, inspiering, happiest days, yet saddening, heart breaking, all at the same time. My special heart baby, along with the millions of others, have opend my eyes to the hand of God, and the miracles he gives us. And to know that one lays in bed with me, and will one day utter the word mama, past her lips, there is no greater joy in the world.

The Lord blessed us with Children, but I am in awe that he chose us parents to be the caretakers of such a precious miracle. That he would intrust us with that gift is beyond words.

I will be looking for all the updates through out the day. I will make a trip down to visit you guys once everything is settling down..just give me the word..I would love to catch up in person. Give Bela kisses for us. Sending you our heart hugs and Love,

Jenna and Lily!

Bowman Family said...

I will be praying for you and your family, especially Bela this week. Thank you for your strength through this, I know that it must not always be easy but through your journey you have helped my testimony of the gospel grow stronger. Heavenly Father does have a plan for each one of us and although hard at times he does have our best interests at heart. You are an amazing mother and a wonderful example to all those the know you and read your blog.
Melissa (Galt) Bowman

Andrea said...

You are amazing! I love reading your posts and it always puts things into perspective for me. Thank you! I've been praying for your family and your little Bela, and will continue to do so. She is one icredible little girl. Seriously, Avery, you amaze me!

Jennifer said...

Avery - How blessed we all are as your friends to watch your journey with Bela. You have faith, courage, hope and so much more. It was a wonderful day yesterday to fast and pray for Bela and her sweet family. Our prayers will continue for all of you through this difficult week. Thank you for all you and Bela have taught me. If I ever grow up, I hope to be just like you! I'll stop by today for a final checkin to see what you need before you head to your home away from home. Bela is in the Lord's hands and the hands of the best surgeons in the country...You can't ask for anything better for your sweet girl. I love you and I am so grateful for your example and friendship.

Simmons Family: said...

We will be praying for Bela this week and especially for you and Tanner. It's so hard to pass them off into surgery... but for us... there was a comforting peace about it.

Bela will continue to defy the odds and have a speedy recovery and be back home in your bed... only healthier and stronger!! She is such a TINY little miracle!

This week won't be easy, but it will be SO worth it in the end. Take help where it's offered...let people serve you and help you during this time!! I always said "no, no... I can handle it" .. I wish I would have just accepted!

Good Luck and I can't wait to read your updates this week!

PRAYERS SWEET BELA!!!

Andrea

Shannon said...

Hi Avery-

This is your cousin, Shannon. I don't comment often, but we do check in all the time to see how things are going. Know that you are always in our prayers and this week will be no different. You are an inspiration to me. Thanks for posting and letting us all have a little glimpse into the life of sweet little Bela.

La said...

Ave-I love this post, the only thing that would make it better: pictures! I miss me some Bela-boo! I really wanted to make it to Phoenix before the surgery for a visit, but se la vie. We will be praying etc all day tomorrow and especially Wednesday.

Milena said...

Hi Avery!

Milena Barlow here, (Sister da Silva), I wanted to tell you that I am praying for Bella and your family! My heart goes to you because I am a mom that just had my new baby beat a tumor in his Larinxs...I understand that you are emotional and I wish I could be there to give you a hug! I will always love your family and evertyhing that you did for me in my mission in Brazil! I wish you the best! YOU CAN DO IT BELLA!

Lisa said...

Hi Avery, I have been checking your blog periodically to see how things are going with sweet Bela. I get so excited to see she is doing well, and I am continually in awe of your faith and strength. I'll be praying for all of you this week.
Love,
Lisa Hong

The Silly Nilly Family said...

That is amazing and that is all people who love you and do care. You guys are so great. We know you are grateful, we know you count your blessings. Because we all love you, you can tell us when you are sad or tired or feeling like you can't do it any longer. We totally get it, that is life and we still love you no matter what and we still pray for you guys. You guys are awesome. Sending you lots of love.

The Butcher Family said...

Praying for Bela! We love checking in and seeing how you guys are doing...you all stay close to our hearts and in our prayers. She is such a blessing!

Heart hugs~ Rebecca

Jr, Suzie, Cole, Cruz, and Lindsay Dean said...

Again praying you all of you. Bela is so strong and soon she will be better. Please, Lord, let the surgeons be on their A-game and take care of Bela. I just know that they will fix her!
Love and Heart Hugs!
Suzie
(Lindsay's Mom)

Doreen said...

Dave (your cousin) and I will be keeping you in our prayers this week. Hopefully all will go well, and the surgery will help little Bela. I look at little Elly, who's only a couple of weeks younger than Bela, and I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. Stay strong. :o)

Branton Family said...

I thought so much of you guys today while we were at the hospital. For as much time as we both have spent there, I can't believe we are never there at the same time! My prayers are with you. . .stay strong. Amy

Erin said...

Once again Avery you amaze me!!! Your strength is something very few have and for you to share that with others is such a blessing! Heavenly Father has a very special plan for your family, especially little Bela, and He will always be with you to make sure you accomplish that plan. He has also placed others in your life to help you along the way as He is not here in person. You have touched so many people's lives and given such strength to others through your journey with Bela. I will forever be grateful for the lessons you have taught me and for your ability to shine light and joy on others. Our family has been richly blessed because of your family and the testimonies you have shared. Please know of our love and gratitude for all you have done. Bela will get through this and will be such a blessing and strength to many in the future. Our prayers continue for your family and we know the Lord will lead you along the way. Hang in there and stay strong! I hope you got your treat I left on your doorstep today. We will talk soon!

Sally said...

Still praying...we love you guys! You truly touch so many people! Let us know what we can do. P.S...Tanner...I see what you mean about the tv now..watched Erics for a while today. Takes some getting used to.

camillian said...

Our prayers and thoughts are constantly with your family, especially right now. I can't even imagine the emotions that you must be going through right now. Most of all though, I love reading how much faith and hope you have had on this journey so far. I'm grateful that you open your blog for us to read. I always feel sad yet uplifted everytime I read your blog. I will be checking back often in the next couple of days.

Karla said...

Avery, This is Karla Carvajal (well, you know me as Karla Rang) and I have been on your post many times! I´m sure Amy Branton told you that she and I are really good friends :) It sure is a small world. When she first mentioned the great people she met in the hospital, I couldn´t believe it was YOU :) Anyways, I´m in Chile right now with my husband. Want you to know that you are in my prayers and I will lift you, your little Bella, and the doctors up to our Lord on your behalf - He is the ultimate healer. I pray for a smooth and very successful surgery. May God bless your family. Karla

Matt and Jennae Porter said...

We love you guys. Hugs and prayers are with you. I know Bela won't be able to have visitors but we'd love to just drop off dinner at the hospital for you guys sometime later this week... I'll have Matt call Tanner.

Kally said...

Hi-
My name is Kally. You don't know me, but I found your blog through my sister. I am 23 years old and have Turner's Syndrome. I just want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers. I know first hand some of the struggles that you and your daughter are going through, and reading your blog has made me feel "grateful for my anatomy" as you said about your Bela. (I hope that makes sense. Sorry:) There have been times when it has been really, really hard. But I want you to know that it can be done! I want you to know that I will be praying for your family.
I am so grateful I read about your precious Bela.Thank you for keeping us all updated. Good luck with everything.

Love,

Kally

kally.davis@gmail.com

Molly Wright said...

Avery and Tanner-
It was great to talk to you tonight and to meet Bela. We're glad we can pass the time here together this time. You are in our prayers.
Love,
JR, Molly and Mark Wright

Carol Fighr said...

Ave, sua força é algo incrivel e que poucas pessoas tem. Tenho certeza que voce e sua familia serao abençoados graças a sua fé e dedicacao!
We are praying for Bela and for you!
Love,
Carol

mattnbeth said...

you dont know me, but i grew up in the same ward as the milnes. tanner may or may not remember me. anyway, i came across your blog and saw that your little girl was a heart baby. our baby is too and i just want you to know you are in our prayers as you continue to go through what seems to be a never ending process. i hope things go well and your sweet little one gets to come home soon. you are such a strong mom and i look up to all youve been through and how youve handled yourself. good luck.