Today

Thank you everyone for being so nice to me!! I have the best friends in the world... I got so many kind comments after my downer post and it has really helped. I had a rough go for a few days. Well...I'll say more like a few weeks. I was just struggling with my own attitude and things were just getting to me a little more than normal. The vomiting nonstop there at the end was just what took me over the edge. After I spent and hour making it and feeding her, 10 minutes later as she's crawling on the floor, happily playing, up it all comes and all our work is wasted!! (and there's a big, stinky mess to clean up!) She didn't get any of the food I made, or calories I counted. And I am left just plain frusterated. That was how that month was going, and Benson was just being hard because he wasn't really getting too much positive attention. But...

this week I just decided I didn't want to feel like that any more. I honestly was not enjoying being a mom. And so I have tried so hard to rethink a lot of things that happen around here. I approach asking Benson to do things differently, and I try to make him laugh instead of cry. Help him pick up and make it a game instead of asking him 10 times, end up yelling and giving him a time out. I can't tell you what a difference this week has been! Just by trying to not get on him for all the little things that didn't really matter anyways.

And Bela is doing much better. I need to clarify that in my last post when I said 'formula' I was referring to Pediasure. I took the pediasure out of her diet completley and she has been throwing up much less. So we'll hope that continues. I think it was a combination of that and possibly a little stomach flu. It still comes up once a day or every other day. There was a time that I just wanted to be able to hold her, and I couldn't, and now she is lighting up our home. So a little throw up is okay.

And thanks to all your comments, I have totally realized that it was so DUMB to get so worked up over a GI appointment. (THis same GI doctor prescribed a med to Bela that turned out to be extremeley dangerous for a heart baby! Luckily I called to check with the Cardiologist first.. It made Tanner and I furious. So beware heart mommies, and always check with the heart docs first.) I really know by now that every dr. has his/her own opinion and they'll all give them to you, and sometimes they are just not right when it comes to Bela. We will continue what we're doing and learn from eachother along the way. We're a good team, her and I.

I am remembering how much I treasure my role as a mother. How important what I'm doing is. I have to give credit to prayer and scripture study because they have truly helped, once again.

Here's some pictures of Bela with her friend Addie who has come SUCH a long way! These two are heroes, they are both living miracles and have made medical history! Bela was the first to have the hybrid procedure here and survive and Addie was second, one month later. I love seeing them together!




I am really struggling with remembering to take pictures right now, and I promise (mom) that I'll get some more up soon!

Comments

La said…
i have days where i don't enjoy being a mommy. and my kids are perfectly healthy. so you should be allowed more "down" days than me i suppose.
it really is all about attitude isn't it?
we love you guys. see you in sept hopefully! in your neighborhood this time!
August 14, 2009 at 5:54 PM
grandma debi said…
I love baby Belinha. She always inspires me, every time I look at her, as does her mommy!
August 16, 2009 at 3:46 PM
The Simmons Family said…
We all have our downer weeks. I am glad that you are feeling better. The eating issues are frustrating and I pray that they will get easier one day. Our feeding therapist is so sweet and always says, he's going to be a GREAT oral eater someday! I just hang on to those words and tell myself that over and over. I don't stress it anymore. The puking breaks my heart, but it happens. Oh and Owen's NG has been making his nose bleed and blood come out of the tube when I draw back on the syringe. YUCK. I'm reallly pushing for the Gtube to happen soon. We see Dr. Graziano next week after we figure out what's up with cardiology.

You are doing a great job!! :)
August 16, 2009 at 9:56 PM
emcghee said…
Your so normal. Such is life. I love that picture of Bela on the couch.
August 24, 2009 at 12:25 PM
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