I'm ready for my turn to crash now. I think I slept maybe an hour all together last night. Bela had a rough night and wanted mommy to 'hold you' all night. I wish yesterday morning I could've just had a tiny glimpse of her home sleeping in her crib tonight so that I could've spared myself some of the worrying of yesterday, (was that really just yesterday?) but unfortunatley that's not part of the deal. You have to go thru all the worrying because it's all such an unknown until it's over.
I said this during her 2 day g-tube surgery stay, and I'm saying it again, I honestly have NO CLUE how I did that for weeks and weeks that turned into months. I walked Bela around the unit today and saw many post op newborns fighting for their lives, and it is... I don't even know what the words are to describe it. It's humbling that Bela is where she is today, it's inspiring that these tiny heros are up there every day in the fight for their lives, it's heartbreaking to watch mothers standing over there fragile new babies, wondering if they'll have a tomorrow. It's frightening that it's a world our family knows so well, it's inpsiring when you see a 3 year old with 4 giant drainage tubes smiling at you from her hospital bed where she's been for over a month, it's a lot of things. It's very emotional, to say the least. It's a whole different world in there, and it's easy to forget that world when you've been home awhile. How very precious good health is, and how very often it is taken for granted..
THANK YOU to all of you who were praying for her. I received so many texts yesterday letting me know she was being prayed for and thought of and each time I read one it brought a smile and a beautiful reassurance. In those moments, they mean SO very much. When you're sitting there, staring at the wall, feeling so empty, and an 'just wanted you to know we love you and are praying for Bela' message pops up it's just what you need. We felt so much love, and that's what it's all about..
Being comforted by daddy while she was coming in and out of sedation
And now...Good night! :)
Oh, and one more thing... She did get that IV out. I held it on her while she was getting meds through it for the first 6 hours or so, and then as soon as she got her chance, it was out. And she was so proud of herself. They were very nice and allowed her to keep it out the rest of her stay.