3 weeks out and doing great!

Bela has been doing pretty darn good. I'm amazed by her.. as usual. She dosn't want to be held back any longer! She begs me to go to the park, got to the store, get back to anything normal. We're taking it slow, but she's been out to the park a couple times when it's been not too busy and she's so happy to be sitting in the sand with her shovel in hand. Sometimes it's like she didn't skip a beat. She has times still though where she seems tired, or grumpy, or like something bothers her but she just can't quite tell what it is. But overall, oh my gosh! 3 weeks post-op and she's a rockstar! I'm just so darn proud of her, for doing something so hard and for coming out of it so well. She tells everyone that she just got her heart fixed and sometimes even shows them. I'm never quite sure how to react when she pulls her shirt right up. It's like she's actually almost proud of it, as she should be, but I cannot understand how at 4 she feels that way instead of just being plain old mad about it. We've talked with her a lot about it, so I hope she understands to the best of her little ability. Sometimes I think she understands it all better than I do! She's eating a little better this week too. The only thing not improving much is her sleep. She's up all night and moans and tosses and turns and climbs in bed with us and continues to moan and toss and turn. Last night I sorta lost some patience with it.. I love snuggling with her but I really don't sleep when she's in bed with me. But she gets so sad when I put her back in her own bed (which is about 2 feet away from mine). I think she's getting spoiled, but how do I not? I don't know what to do..hmm. Hopefully with a little more time she'll start sleeping more. For some crazy reason I'm still awake. Of course she's been sleeping great since 8...

I'm still just in utter and absolute shock and filled with joy that it's over. Anticipating this surgery was torture. Serious torture. I would lie awake and think about everything. I would remember her past surgeries and how tough they were then imagine this time around being so much harder. I'd worry about complications, I'd think of the worst case scenario. Then I'd tell myself to stop, breathe, and say a prayer to stop my crazy mind. It was hard in the hospital and there's been hard moments since, and people ask how I'm doing it, and I just want to make them understand that it dosn't really matter how hard it is, the happiness to have it over and done with a great outcome makes any hard day or moment okay. I don't think even in my wildest hopes and dreams I would've thought we'd be here 4 1/2 years ago. She was just considered too weak to survive. Everyone goes through hard things. Everyone. I was just talking to a dear friend today that is going through something hard. Completely different, but hard nonetheless.

I really believe that once everything is said and done and we go back to meet our Maker, that we will understand with perfect clarity how much were loved and looked after, and that everything we went through was for a very perfect and necessary reason. We will understand all the 'why's'. We will know we were never left alone. And above all, we will thank Him for it all. The test is to trust him while we are still here going through the day to day sometimes asking 'why'.