Set back

Bela is back in the operating room undergoing another surgery. The infection site got worse and worse and this morning before they took her in it was about the size of a golf ball which on bela's tiny body looked like a bowling ball. It was getting extremely painful for her.. we now know what has been causing Bela's change in behavior for the last week. The infection had been brewing for about a week causing her to be in very bad pain. The very frusterating part of all this is that when we were here she had a heart monitor patch over it so we couldn't see it. We only noticed it after we got her home and gave her a bath. I saw it and back we came. And it's a very good thing. We hope and pray that they have caught it before the infection had time to spread into other parts of her body or into her blood stream. So right now they have her under anesthesia and have to open her chest back up to drain it completlety and clean it all out. She will be back on the breathing tube and will stay on it for a little while. It could be just a day or up to a few weeks depending on if they can get all the infection out and it hasn't spread. I am praying so hard that they can get all the infection out and she can come off the ventilator becuase she will not be able to eat until she does. They are also putting a central line back into her neck to give us access to give her antibiotics for up to 6 weeks.
Yesterday when we got readmitted they tried for about 45 minutes to get an IV in her. Since we had just been here all last week and they had to poke her 4 different times to get the first IV in, they had very few veins left that they could put one in. They tried the few veins that had not been poked already with no luck. I had to leave the room because I could not take the screaming anymore. I finally came back after about a half an hour (plenty of time to get an IV in) and saw my baby in the worst condition I have seen her in since she was born. I honestly did not know if she was alive or not. There were about 6 nurses and doctors around her bed, she was completley void of all color and limp. I cannot get the image out of my head. I broke down and couldn't pull myself together for awhile. I felt like she had just been tortured until her breaking point. The ICU doctor finally came in and said 'enough, she can't take anymore.' The only thing that gets me through her being back in surgery right now is knowing that at least she is not feeling anything. I can't even begin to explain what this is doing to my heart. It is so hard. I know it is all necessary for her, but sometimes I just want to grab her and take her away from all the pain. I would gladly take her pain for her. She is so helpless and innocent and all this dosn't seem right sometimes. I just have to marvel at her strength and strong will. The nurse practitioner said that it is so good that Bela is such a fiesty little fighter. She lets everyone know when she is upset. She said she will need that type of personality to keep getting through all this. It is truly amazing what these tiny little babies can fight through.
She should be about a half hour away from getting back. I am excited to have her back, but nervous to see her back the way she was a month ago after her surgery. It is hard to be set back, especially when she was doing so well. This time her recovery should be quicker, but we will be here for at least 2 weeks, possibly up to 6 weeks.
I'll post when we know more.. Thanks for your concern for our sweet girl. She is so sweet, she really deserves it all.
I will post again when she is back and we know more about how the operation went.