Today was such a great day. Conference weekend is my favorite. I am always uplifted and inspired to be a better person, and more specifically this conference, a better mother. A repeating theme, at least to me, was loud and clear: My work as a mother is the most important thing I can and will do in this life. I am grateful for a prophet of God who gives me the same counsel that He would give me if He were here. I have really thought a lot the last two days about being a mother. I think I take it for granted, and maybe even sometimes wonder what the heck I'm doing! Benson and Bela bless my life in a way nothing else could. They stretch me, try me, test me, help me, teach me, and in the end make me a better person and allow me to feel pure love. I am grateful to be a mother. And I realize the great task that it is. It is my responsibility to teach them to be good, Christlike people, and to understand who they are. I have been thinking about the idea that actions speak louder than words, and that my example will teach them more than anything I could ever try to tell them. Am I spending my time doing things that will result in them knowing what is really important in life? Do they know how I feel about my Savior through my actions?
It is so easy to forget sometimes how blessed I am. I thought today about the prophet Joseph's wife Emma losing 6 of her children during childbirth or in infancy, and then, of course, her husband. Not to mention everything else she endured so well. She is one of my heroes. I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I am trying to push out the fear I sometimes feel about Bela's situation. Fear and worry do me no good, and faith cannot grow where fear is present. I need to move forward in faith and put my trust in the Lord. I am going to try harder to stop thinking about the 'what if's' and the 'when's' and 'why's', which for me is a hard thing to do, but the only thing to do.
As for little Bela, she has stayed well since my last post and has been doing outstanding. After she lost some weight eating on her own, I have decided that it is MUCH more important for her to get some meat on her skinny little bones than push eating right now. In the last month she has gained the weight back, plus 2.5 pounds!! We are feeding her overnight again and although it has it's challenges and annoyances (is that a word?) it is really helping her right now. It seems like she's been constipated the entire last year, but since we started nighttime feeds again it hasn't been an issue. She just simply wasn't getting enough food or liquid. I have seen an increase in energy and better health this last month. Her little body works so hard just to be here, so I can definitely help her out by giving it optimal nutrition. She's certainly the healthiest eater around here. Developmentally she is doing fabulous, testing in her own age group. She says everything, I can't even count her words anymore, and loves to make her point clear. However lately, the only point she wants to make is that she wants to watch Dora, by repeating it a thousand times. And if I don't respond right away, she'll put her little hands on my cheeks and put her face so close to mine our noses touch and say, DORA, OKAY? She's got the best personality. She is doing better going new places and meeting new people lately as well. I have nothing to complain about, and everything to be thankful for.
P.S. For my birthday my wonderful husband got me a MacBook and I feel like a new person. This was the fastest post I've ever done without the computer freezing up on me 5 times. You just might be hearing from me a lot more now... :) I'm out of the dark ages!
