Tanner came to the hopsital from work.. it was the first time he had left her, but I called with a not so good update and he came right back. He is such a good daddy and a comfort to her. I just came back from leaving the room for the first time and took a little walk. Wow. I had lots of anxiety about this surgery and knew it was going to be tough but I had no idea. There is no way to prepare yourself to see your child suffer. And the worst part for me is being able to do nothing for her.
To go into a little more detail, now that Tanner is here trying to comfort Bela, she was awake from 3:30 a.m yesterday until about midnight last night. Then she slept very horribly off and on for the next 5 or so hours. Starting at about noon yesterday she started throwing up very forcefully. She got a lot of meds to try to help her but everything seemed to just make it worse. We were told to start a sedation med at 10:30 and I kept waiting for it to kick in. By 1 or so I asked to go up because it wasn't helping. She had periods where it seems like she might have been hallucinating they thought, and then her whole body would shake from pain. And all she wanted was a drink. And I couldn't give it to her. I was told to not give her any liquid because it would've made her throw up, but she was thrwoing up anyway. She would finally doze off then would quickly jerk herself upright all the sudden and scream out. At 5 a.m the nurse came in to check on her and realized the sedation med had never been connected to Bela. She hadn't been receiving it the whole time. I do not blame her.. I actually have no idea how that happened because the tube was clamped so the pump should have been beeping to let us know there was a problem. It never did. It took me a while to be over it, it was a mistake and it's okay, but it caused a lot of unecessary pain for Bela and it's hard to not think about that. When it started to kick in at 5, guess who came knocking.... stinkin xray lady. Who proceded to turn on all the lights, uncover her, lift her up to place the plate underneath her and totally make her upset again. Those are the moments in here where I want to yell at someone. I know they're just doing what they're told, but it is so hard to have been in here all night and watch what she went through and have someone pay that no attention at all. SO finally she slept a little this morning, but it only lasted a couple hours and she has been begging for a drink since about 8. She tries everything...'please, mommy, just a little bit'. I couldn't stand it anymore. I'm so glad Tanner is here now. We are almost to the time to send her to get her PICC line. It's another procedure under anesthesia so it kinda stinks, but she is still on too many meds and needs a more permanent line. We were hoping to have her off these meds but she still needs them. Once she comes back and wakes up we will try giving her small drinks and see if the vomiting will stop. I am so ready for this day to be over. She is the strongest little person I know and one day I hope to be able to tell her how completley amazing she is.